This is an open letter to all the AFL’s that keep saying “I’ve tried every single diet and nothing works!”
The problem is precisely the very thing you’re whining about – you tried everything but you stuck with nothing. You have the consistency of diarrhea and most likely, the attention span of a dog in a park full off squirrels.
So I’m not surprised that whenever a new diet comes along, flailing its massive e-dick with outlandish promises, you gladly bend over and take it up the pooper.
“Oh yes, give it to me!”
But soon, it leaves you unfulfilled, poor and without your dignity… so you come to me, and complain that nothing works.
And you know what? It’s mainly your fault. By watching so much damn TV your eyeballs and brains have been bombarded with enough marketing stimulus to paralyze a hippo. And this has led you to making the worse possible choice – everything!
“Do ALL the diets! Yes!”
So one week it’s some stupid home workout DVD with a douchebag making lame jokes, then another week you’ve moved on to some detox nonsense that promises to un-do the years worth of damage caused by the thoughtless choices you’ve made.
See the problem here?
On top of that, you have some diets that are written by complete morons, but marketed by geniuses. It’s like a buffoon giving his shitty advice to a turkey. Not exactly what you’d call a optimal.
So what’s the solution?
First, I’m going to tell you a little secret. You ready for this?
Most diets do work. So do most fitness plans. Yes, even ones that I deem “horribly designed.”
[Note: I use the term "work" quite loosely - as in, they will produce some type of desired effect whether it be a drop bodyweight or improvement in your overall health.]
“So wait a second…” you might say, “If they all work, how come I still look like a cross between Oprah and Snooki?”
That’s because you fail to understand the two most critical components of any successful diet…
Consistency & Duration
If you have consistency and no duration, you won’t see results. Ninety-nine percent of “yo-yo” dieters fall into this category; they follow something to a “T” for a week, then give up and claim the shit doesn’t work. I mean honestly, if you fall in this category, please look in the mirror and bitch-slap yourself.
Trust me, it’s for your own good.
Then we have those that have no consistency at all, but supposedly claim to be on a “diet” for months because two days out of every week, they’ll do what they’re supposed to. What a bunch of whack-jobs.
News flash: You need both!
You need to make sure that you’re doing what you’re supposed to do on a daily basis, and do it for a time period that isn’t shorter than the first time you got laid. Unless your first time was like my first time, then duration isn’t an issue. But that’s because I am awesome. And you aren’t me. Therefore you aren’t as awesome.
But you could be if you stuck to the two critical components – because that way, I can pretty much guarantee any “diet” will be effective.
“What about getting FAST results?”
That’s a good question – you aren’t as hopeless as I initially thought.
So, if you’re willing to be consistent, but genuinely want to decrease the duration while still getting that lean ripped physique, what should you do?
Well now you must add the third critical component of a successful diet: Quality
By quality, I mean a diet that is:
- Specifically designed to your needs (not for some jacked bodybuilder)
- Considers your specific eating preferences & tolerances
- Has intelligently planned “cheat days” so you don’t lose your fucking sanity
- Compliments your workout program
I cannot over-state that last point.
If you’re not completely brain-dead, you probably realized that to achieve the results you want at a quicker pace, you will most likely have to lift some shit. Because as we know, running is dumb.
So if you’re going to be lifting things, it should only make sense that your diet should fit elegantly into your whole plan – like a piece of a puzzle. It’s too bad most diet plans compliment the associated workout about as well as Justin Bieber compliments Death Metal.
Now naturally, you’re probably wondering how you can get your hands on a quality diet program that fits your needs.
Well, if you’re cheap and want a “do it yourself” option, then pick up a copy of my book – it’ll teach you exactly how to structure your diet, training and supplementation program.
If however you want the services of me and my esteemed colleagues, then check out the Personalize Fitness Blueprint. The initial consultation is FREE (this is where we assess you needs and such.)
Then once we have all your info, you will get a full 12 week program that covers everything you need, form top to bottom. You just read it, and do it. It’s so simple a monkey could manage.
Finally, I should say that this third “critical” component cannot stand on it’s own merit.
If you fail at consistency and/or duration, then the quality of the diet won’t help you.
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Now put down those cupcakes and ponder on the triple knowledge bomb I just dropped upon you. Then when you’re ready to do something about it, hit me up. I mean honestly, if you can’t get your ass in gear after this pep talk, then shit, I truly fear for your bodacious behind.
Until next time…
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