Without These 3 Components, Your Diet Will Fail Harder Than Kim Kardashian’s Singing Career

By: January 28, 2014 12 Comments
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3 fingersThis is an open letter to all the AFL’s that keep saying “I’ve tried every single diet and nothing works!”

Please, STFU.

The problem is precisely the very thing you’re whining about – you tried everything but you stuck with nothing. You have the consistency of diarrhea and most likely, the attention span of a dog in a park full off squirrels.

So I’m not surprised that whenever a new diet comes along, flailing its massive e-dick with outlandish promises, you gladly bend over and take it up the pooper.

“Oh yes, give it to me!”

But soon, it leaves you unfulfilled, poor and without your dignity… so you come to me, and complain that nothing works.

And you know what? It’s mainly your fault. By watching so much damn TV your eyeballs and brains have been bombarded with enough marketing stimulus to paralyze a hippo. And this has led you to making the worse possible choice – everything!

“Do ALL the diets! Yes!”

So one week it’s some stupid home workout DVD with a douchebag making lame jokes, then another week you’ve moved on to some detox nonsense that promises to un-do the years worth of damage caused by the thoughtless choices you’ve made.

See the problem here?

On top of that, you have some diets that are written by complete morons, but marketed by geniuses. It’s like a buffoon giving his shitty advice to a turkey. Not exactly what you’d call a optimal.

So what’s the solution?

First, I’m going to tell you a little secret. You ready for this?

Most diets do work. So do most fitness plans. Yes, even ones that I deem “horribly designed.”

[Note: I use the term “work” quite loosely – as in, they will produce some type of desired effect whether it be a drop bodyweight or improvement in your overall health.]

“So wait a second…” you might say, “If they all work, how come I still look like a cross between Oprah and Snooki?”

That’s because you fail to understand the two most critical components of any successful diet…

Consistency & Duration

If you have consistency and no duration, you won’t see results. Ninety-nine percent of “yo-yo” dieters fall into this category; they follow something to a “T” for a week, then give up and claim the shit doesn’t work. I mean honestly, if you fall in this category, please look in the mirror and bitch-slap yourself.

Trust me, it’s for your own good.

Then we have those that have no consistency at all, but supposedly claim to be on a “diet” for months because two days out of every week, they’ll do what they’re supposed to. What a bunch of whack-jobs.

News flash: You need both!

You need to make sure that you’re doing what you’re supposed to do on a daily basis, and do it for a time period that isn’t shorter than the first time you got laid. Unless your first time was like my first time, then duration isn’t an issue. But that’s because I am awesome. And you aren’t me. Therefore you aren’t as awesome.

But you could be if you stuck to the two critical components – because that way, I can pretty much guarantee any “diet” will be effective.

“What about getting FAST results?”

That’s a good question – you aren’t as hopeless as I initially thought.

So, if you’re willing to be consistent, but genuinely want to decrease the duration while still getting that lean ripped physique, what should you do?

Well now you must add the third critical component of a successful diet: Quality

By quality, I mean a diet that is:

  • Specifically designed to your needs (not for some jacked bodybuilder)
  • Considers your specific eating preferences & tolerances
  • Has intelligently planned “cheat days” so you don’t lose your fucking sanity
  • Compliments your workout program

I cannot over-state that last point.

If you’re not completely brain-dead, you probably realized that to achieve the results you want at a quicker pace, you will most likely have to lift some shit. Because as we know, running is dumb.

So if you’re going to be lifting things, it should only make sense that your diet should fit elegantly into your whole plan – like a piece of a puzzle. It’s too bad most diet plans compliment the associated workout about as well as Justin Bieber compliments Death Metal.

Now naturally, you’re probably wondering how you can get your hands on a quality diet program that fits your needs.

Well, if you’re cheap and want a “do it yourself” option, then pick up a copy of my book – it’ll teach you exactly how to structure your diet, training and supplementation program.

If however you want the services of me and my esteemed colleagues, then check out the Personalize Fitness Blueprint. The initial consultation is FREE (this is where we assess you needs and such.)

Then once we have all your info, you will get a full 12 week program that covers everything you need, form top to bottom. You just read it, and do it. It’s so simple a monkey could manage.

Finally, I should say that this third “critical” component cannot stand on it’s own merit.

If you fail at consistency and/or duration, then the quality of the diet won’t help you.
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Now put down those cupcakes and ponder on the triple knowledge bomb I just dropped upon you. Then when you’re ready to do something about it, hit me up. I mean honestly, if you can’t get your ass in gear after this pep talk, then shit, I truly fear for your bodacious behind.

Until next time…

About the Author:

Turns fat asses into good looking bad asses. Also a National deadlift record holder and the undisputed flip-cup champion. If you want to train under him, Click Here to fill out an application, and he just may consider working with you.
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Comments (12)

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  1. ET Hall says:

    Wow, I don’t know what to say except the fact that this was THE wake up call I needed. I hate you FJ but I dig your stuff as well. Keep sayin’ it like it is.

  2. Scott Young says:

    Wow you ARE quite the jerk aren’t you. Is all this name calling really needed to get people to get off their fat ass?

    • Nelson Parker says:

      LOL what the fuck were you expecting? Mother Teresa?

      Some people are just so dumb. FJ isn’t for everyone but clearly his shit is needed by the lame asses that never get anything done. I for one, dig his stuff – in fact I read it before going to the gym sometimes to get my ass motivated as hell!

  3. Aeliana says:

    FJ you really piss me off – yet I always find myself reading your stuff and opening your emails since there’s always some nugget of gold to be found. You’re like my EX I just can’t help going back to all the time LOL.

    But hey, a girls’ gotta do what a girl’s gotta do right? But seriously, might wana be careful as you could make someone cry. Pen is mightier than the sword as they say.

    • Baker Green says:

      Wow Aeliana, you’re clearly in love with him, why don’t you just admit it and get down on your knees for him while you’re at it huh?

      And anyone who cries because of some article they read on the internet is one sorry ass fool lol.

      • FitJerk says:

        Don’t be a jealous twat Baker. Plus, that’s no way to talk to a lady… she’ll get down on her knees at her own free will.

        And judging by the emails I get, I bet I’ve already made a few sorry souls cry behind their computer screen, as they stare into a tub of melted ice cream. And it makes me hella proud.

  4. Jerkin Jeffy says:

    Isn’t consistency and duration the same fucking thing? I mean if I’m being CONSISTENT with something, doesn’t that mean I’ll just keep on doing it? Looks like you’re trying to split hairs here FJ.

    P.S – Not trying to bash here, I think the underlying message is good but maybe you just need 2, not 3 components.

    • FitJerk says:

      “Jerkin” Jeffy eh? Nice.

      As for your question, I can see why your inferior little brain hurts because consistency and duration DO seem closely related. But like I stated, you can be consistent with something for a day, a week or even a month but eventually if you quit, your failed at duration.

      Let me simplify it so your genius can understand it:

      Stick to shit and do it for a long time and you’ll see the results you wanted.

      Got it? Good.

  5. Anthony says:

    This shit is so true! Fat people don’t have a weight problem, they have an eating problem!! If you’re fat, you’re eating too much damn food. Period. It’s not your parent’s fault for giving you the “fat” gene. It may be their fault that they made you like food so much, but for once in your fat life let’s stop blaming other people, OK?

  6. Elodie says:

    What a lame article. All you did was provide some info then tried to sell your stupid ass services. Why not give some REAL info for once you jerk?

    But I guess I shouldn’t expect anything else from you.

    • FitJerk says:

      …And yet, you managed to read it AND take the time to comment on the article.

      Look, If you’re too dim-witted to realize the pure GOLD that I dropped here then that’s not my fault. The problem with people like you is they want everything to be spoon-fed. They not only want the “secret to success” but they want everyone to apply and do the work for them too.

      Get off your ass and go apply the shit you just learnt and just maybe, you might change your life.

      But I don’t think you will.

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