Slimband | Gastric Banding – Stupidest Way To Lose Weight

By: February 8, 2010 117 Comments
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First of all… the whole term “lose weight” is false. Even when people really really mean it, no one actually wants to lose “weight”. They want to lose the fat. Unattractive, jiggly, mushy, gross fat. Muscle is advantageous in almost every way, which is why you never hear most (intelligent) people say “i want to lose quality mass”.

Now that we’ve made that distinction very clear, let me show you a new, revolutionary and completely retarded way of “losing weight”. I mean, late night infomercials have come up with some real doozies over the past, but this new method is taking shit to a whole new level.

It’s called SlimBand™, and its absolutely outrageous.

So what’s SlimBand™? The site is a little dodgy on the details so I’ll sum it up for you: It’s known as Laparoscopic Band Surgery. What they do is surgically implant a little band which strangles the upper most region of your stomach (since that’s where the “feel full” signal is located). Then, they periodically keep tightening it… I assume so that it makes you “feel full” more often with less food. But that’s not all, you get a 4 year after care program where nutritionists help you eat a healthy diet and help you get active.

Oh and it gets better, here’s an excrept from the site: “Immediately following your surgery, with the post-op menu guidelines, you may find that you lose weight fairly quickly. After the healing period, when you return to your normal diet, you should lose between one to two pounds per week…”

Really Slimband? 1-2 pounds/week is what you’re suggesting people will lose after they undergo your insanely expensive surgical weight loss procedure? Listen up you loonballs, I’ve helped people drop 3-4 lbs in one week without surgically implanting a restrictive belt around their fucking waist with E-Training. Oh yeah, and for a fraction of the cost!

Let’s dig in even further…

“It’s important that the Slimband™ be properly adjusted, and that you follow our recommendations so you can lose those excess pounds and achieve your goal weight. Ultimately, the amount of weight you lose depends on you, keep in mind that the Slimband™ is a tool. If you maintain healthy food choices, start becoming more physically active, and have your Slimband™ routinely adjusted, you should not gain any weight back, even a few years after surgery…”

Note that statement in bold. I’ll regurgitate it, just to drive a point home: Slimband by itself won’t help much with weight loss, you still need to watch what you eat. Funny, because their marketing message speaks a completely different language. Take a look at one of their ads below, they are blasting these out everywhere on the Google network:

Now honestly, what the fuck is a desperately overweight person supposed to think when they see this ad? It’s sending across a message that says “you can achieve weight loss and well being without paying any attention and/or effort to your eating habits”. Or am I just out of my mind?

But wait a minute, didn’t they just say that you still need to maintain healthy food choices and stay active? Hmm… make up your damn mind Slimband. Alright, now let’s look at their final statement:

“…When using the Slimband™ properly, weight loss is a long-term and sustainable result.”

You know what else is sustainable? A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE that doesn’t revolve around a belt implanted and tied around your stomach. What really screws with my head is their flawed logic. See, if people did maintain healthy food choices in the past, then obesity wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. So what makes them think that their patients will pick up these new food habits and guidelines after having the surgical procedure done? A bad habit is a bad habit… change that and you can change your life.

On top of all this bullshit, I gotta say that their claims for weight loss results aren’t any better than the popular diet programs. Why would you pay 100x the amount? In the past, I wasn’t aware of the costs involved with this outrageous procedure since… surprise surprise, Slimband’s website didn’t want to tell you.

“It Costs How Much?!”

Well after further research I now have a fairly accurate number. You ready to hear this? You might want to sit down. The cost of having a band around your stomach and losing approximately 2 measly pounds a week is… *drum roll* $2,900 down + $389/month!

Nope that’s not a typo. This procedure will cost you the down payment of a brand new car and a monthly payment that could cover a proper gym membership, a trainer, all the groceries you could need for the month and maybe some left over cash for a movie. And that’s not even the worst part… no, the worst part is that they won’t tell you how many months you need to keep paying those $389. My guess would be for a minimum of 12 months. This brings the total cost to $4668!

Update: I’ve finally found the number of months a person would need to keep payingand upon reading what I saw, I almost fainted. It’s 48 months… that’s four years! This brings your total to $21,572. Yeah that’s right, over twenty-fucking-grand. No one in their right mind should pay this much money to achieve a result that is so brain-dead simple.

Home Made SlimmingBand Solution

Alright, time to have some fun. Let’s say that for some preposterous reason, you want to consider the SlimBand™ because you can’t seem to apply the advice on this blog. What to do? Well I have a solution for you… use your own “slimming” belt! Grab a simple, extra long $10 belt from Wal-Mart and then tie it around your gut. Not so tightly that you can’t breathe, but tight enough to cause some tension and slight discomfort. Keep this on you 8 hours a day. Ta-Da! A “Slimband” without the surgery.

After thinking about it for a while, I realized that my insanely sarcastic idea might actually be effective to some degree. Ronnie Coleman recently used this exact method, (though with a proper weight belt). He tied it around his waist and actively squeezed his abdominals throughout all of his workouts… even if he didn’t need the belt. Since bodybuilders train 2x a day (or in a long single session) it’s fair to say that he had the belt on tight for a few hours at a time.

On top of that, the fact that he actively squeezed his abdominals was a given that some type of result would come out of it. And what do you know… he had nothing but great things to say about this little method. And it makes sense, when you workout a muscle and/or constantly keep it contracted, it just becomes “tighter”… and feels more “dense”. Have you ever stopped working out for like a week and feel as if your muscles have kind of lost their “tone”? Well it’s not that you lost muscle mass… just the tightness is gone. Speaking in layman’s terms here.

Try and out and see what happens… just please, stay away from a crazy surgical procedures. If you are hell bent on surgery, then why not go all the way and just do lipo? Makes sense to me.

UPDATE:

After doing a bit more hunting around, I found out exactly how this band works and the surgical procedure that you must go through. Check out THIS VIDEO

Still doesn’t change my opinion. How about you?

- FitJerk

This entire article is merely my opinion as “FitJerk” and exercises my god-given right to free speech. I am in no way affiliated, related to or work for SlimBand™, nor do I have any agenda towards them. All images belong to their respective owners that hold the copyright. Greed infested lawyers… don’t bother trying to fuck with me. Thank you.

Also, be sure to check out the brand new Social Fitness Site called Fitmarker!

About the Author:

Turns fat asses into good looking bad asses. Also a National deadlift record holder and the undisputed flip-cup champion. If you want to train under him, Click Here to fill out an application, and he just may consider working with you.
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  1. People actually believe this crap? And they pay for surgery? I think I’ve been to a doctor twice since I was a child, and one was because I had pneumonia. I hate the thought of surgery, especially for something like this!

    And how on earth did they come up with this? Did they sit there late at night thinking “what’s the most ridiculous thing we could do to screw people into thinking they’re going to lose weight”?

    I have never heard of the Slimband until I read this, and when I first heard the name I thought it was going to be something along the lines of the Flex Belt or something, but this is beyond nuts.

    And pretty much every one of those infomercial product says it works “with diet and exercise”. Interesting, since proper diet & exercise alone will burn off all the fat you want…

    This kind of stuff downright pisses me off.

    Shawn

    P.S. I love the little disclaimer at the end

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Not just believe, people actually fall for this crap. Spend thousands of dollars and then you have to watch your eating habits later on anyways.

      FAIL.

    • T says:

      I was banded July 6 06 at TLBC (Toronto Lap Band Centre) now Slimband. I have tried every diet lost weight but never been able to keep it off.

      I have lost 140 lbs and have been able to stay within 3 lbs of my goal.

      The band has changed my life but you do have to work with the band.

      When I was banded the doctor that sold me the band was very helpful and not pushy.

      When you are banded you still have to diet… i hate that word… but just because you have the band you will not “say goodbye to dieting” as the SB site says.

      For me the band has helped me control my portion size and have no regrets about spending the money.

      I do wish SB was more upfront about what to expect. The sales pitch they tell people today in my opinion is not accurate…. i was told everything when I had the procuedure.

      T, Toronto

  2. Edward says:

    Love the blog post! I see these ads all day long and just can’t get it!

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Yeah that’s kind of how I stumbled up on this shit. Kept bugging me so I decided to check it out… then I almost threw up with disgust. Anyways, updated the post with video if you want to know what the procedure looks like.

    • Polly says:

      what’s silly is that the Google ad in the middle of this article is for, yup, you guessed it, Slimband. I guess Google picked up on all the occurrences of the word on this page and thought it’d be a relevant ad : )

      • Fit Jerk says:

        It’s not a real ad you dork. It’s the example ad… wait, did you even READ the damn article? Probably not. Because otherwise, you wouldn’t make such a silly comment.

  3. JC says:

    I lol’ed at your disclaimer. bravo.

  4. G says:

    Any more details on Colemans technique ?
    I have abs… my problem is that since i did a year of weighted ab training they clearly protrude… With a tshirt you could think its fat…
    Please a detailed article with all the techniques to FLATTEN my 6 pack…

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      No, I don’t have any further details. But I assume there isn’t much to it. When you train frequently, your muscles DO feel firmer and harder. The details as to why is complicated but know that this is the idea behind the technique.

      You are CONSTANTLY flexing and squeezing those abs. I actually tried this out for the past week and the 7th and 8th pack are almost visible with 0 diet changes. Incredible stuff… so I now consider Ronnie’s method personally verified.

      As for your specific problem, you need to change your eating habits. I train with heavy weights for abs and I don’t have a protruding stomach. Are you sure you ain’t bloated or some shit? 90% of problems can be nailed by looking at the food log. Try this method and report back as to the results you see.

  5. TomGreenwald says:

    Oh my god!

    What’s next? I just can’t believe that someone is actually doing this. It’s just sick.

  6. Love the disclaimer as well!

    I know some people get the lapband surgery & other procedures like that & it does work to help them IF they follow the rules & also realize the consequences & eat right & exercise after it.

    BUT, this crap & all the BS that goes along with it & people that do this without even trying to do the hard work . It is an excuse for many not to do the hard stuff.

    I had never heard of this!

  7. Lucy says:

    I’ve tried various low-carb, low-calorie, and low-fat diets for the past couple of years. Although the Atkins diet is very popular, it made me feel somewhat unhealthy.

    The diet plan I’m on right now is the Medifast Diet. The caloric intake is roughly 800-1000 calories. However, it doesn’t make my body feel weak. It is a bit of a pricey diet, but there are plenty of coupons available on the internet.http://www.swoopup.com/stores/deals/Medifast-Diet
    .You should never pay full price.

    My advice is just choose a diet plan which your body reacts positively to. No one knows your body better than you do!

  8. Zahid Khan says:

    Very nice and informative article, let me share my fitness story with dear readers. I used to be very fit and athlete, but with the passage of time I became lazy and developed a habit of eating and sleeping along with no exercise. Which deposited around 25 – 30 Kilo of fat into my stomach, face, legs and all over my body? Everyday when I looked in the mirror I had thought today I will start exercising, which was clearly a false promising to myself, again with the passage of time I realized now enough is enough I have to do something to get rid of this fat. So I stepped on to the thread mill and started running 40 Minutes everyday at 9 Miles per hour. Right after finishing a marathon every day I then take the free weight and start building my shoulders and biceps, chest and etc. 3 Days continues exercise and 2 days rest which continued over the period of 3 months and I have now lost 22 Kilo of fat and I have started to look young and energetic once again. I recommend everyone who is facing the same symptoms of fatness try to get fit, it is really easy and not difficult at all. Thank you

  9. Pol says:

    I always thought that this was for people grossly overweight (like 500 lbs.) who have failed with non-surgical fat and weight loss methods. My understanding is that it can be removed once it has served its purpose.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Even IF you are grossly overweight, you will still have to watch what you eat, you will still have to perform physical activity etc. I believe it can be removed but why insert it in the first place? The point is that if you are going to have a surgical procedure done… might as well go with one that takes the fat away instantly. The cost to effort ratio with Slimband makes absolutely NO sense. Specially with the weight loss claims.

  10. BBJ says:

    Man it is sad to see what the world has come to, at least in the US. People don’t even try any more …. Screw effort, you can change your life with surgery!

    I know someone who’s had the surgery and is gaining weight back. Funny, none of that shit works until you change mentally.

  11. Yes people want everything handed to them without working for it. They can get surgery to lose weight so why eat right? They can take medication to lower their cholesterol so why stop eating steak and fast food. People just want to sit back and watch tv while they lose weight.

  12. Banded Bitch says:

    wow…..too bad we dont have a band strong enough to keep your big mouth shut.

  13. jer says:

    hahahaha. Your an idiot.

  14. Melanie says:

    Yeah, the Slimband sounds pretty ridiculous.
    I think it might be interesting for you to know I’ve read a few articles lately that say studies have found the ONLY way to reduce fatty internal tissues (the worst kind: the tissues which lie around your organs) is to exercise regularly. A diet won’t cut it. It also mentioned that many people who are naturally skinny, but eat poorly and don’t exercise, are likely more unhealthy that overweight people who eat well and exercise regularly.
    So really, this Slimband is only effective in terms of appearance, not in health, unless its lazy, unhealthy patrons decide to get really fit post-operation.

  15. somefacts says:

    I want to counter some misconceptions in on this board about Slimband, which is an effective weightless solution for more than 4000 people.

    Surgery is not the first choice for Slimband patients, but it’s often their last choice. These people have significant weight to lose (100 pounds or more is not uncommon), and they have tried all of the diets out there, only to lose some weight then gain it all back. These people have done all they could on their own and they had no lasting results until they tried Slimband.

    Slimband is a much safer, reversible and healthier alternative to a gastric bypass procedure, which is not reversible and is major surgery. The Slimband procedure takes only 30 minutes and the patient can go home the same day.

    The procedure is laparoscopic surgery, also known as laparoscopy or “key-hole” surgery, which is a minimally-invasive method of performing a procedure. It is commonly associated with abdominal operations. A series of tiny incisions are made in order to insert miniature cameras and special instruments that can be manipulated by the surgeon externally. The advantage is minimal scarring from incisions, a shorter hospital stay, and a greatly reduced recovery period.

    See the Slimband site for dramatic before and after photos and success stories of Slimband patients at http://www.slimband.com

    An interesting thing about Slimband is that 60% of their customer care associates are former weight loss surgery patients themselves.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Hello dear Slimband representative. That was a very good reply and I’m sure your boss will be happy with that one. However, I also have one thing I want to counter you with.

      “Paying $21,572 for weight loss is the most ridiculous and outrageous thing I’ve ever heard. NO ONE, not even the ones that CAN afford it should be paying this much to lose weight. EVER. It’s idiotic. You know it and I know it.”

      To be frank, I don’t really care WHAT your success rate it, because there are just as many quality trainers who have a rate higher than what you have and let me tell you something… it didn’t cost their clients $21 grand. I’ve seen rip-offs in the diet industry and this has, by far, got to be one of the craziest ones I’ve ever seen.

  16. lol says:

    This entire article shows complete ignorance. Not only does the writer not understand how this surgery works plus the MANY benefits it offers to people unable to lose weight. He/she also says you have to watch what you eat anyways ?? Are you kidding me. this surgery makes it so U can EAT WHAT EVER YOU WANT. Just in small portions and still lose weight. But anyways your little biased and uneducated article makes me laugh. Have fun in your small world!! lol oo ya btw starting weight 323lbs. Weight now 184. But ya this doesnt work let me tell ya. Sarcasm gotta love it!

  17. lol says:

    ya the person who wrote this crap is an idiot lol.
    He/she as U can see also gets really mad when people disagree with there views lol
    what a sad little maggot indeed!

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      OH LOOK! Another comment that originated from 74.12.190.71 just like the one above.
      So it’s evident he hasn’t got a life. Let’s see what else he HASN’T got.

  18. Brad Smith says:

    Based on the amount of ignorance the writer has here. I got a good chuckle out of reading this prepubescent dribble!

    “Really? 1-2 pounds/week is what you are suggesting they will lose after an expensive surgical weight loss procedure?”

    That’s 1-2 pounds a week WITHOUT exercise and WITHOUT following a diet.
    5-10 lbs a week can be maintained if you do both.
    So your ability to help people lose 4 pretty sucks in comparison plus U haven’t helped them KEEP IT OFF!!

    “Let’s dig in even further…”

    Yes lets LOL cause pointing out your ignorance is really fun.

    “You know what else is sustainable? A HEALTHY FUCKING LIFESTYLE that doesn’t revolve around a belt implanted in your gut”

    Really?? It is just that easy eh?? Well if it was 50% of Americans wouldn’t be over-weight. Plz do refrain from ranting on with your obviously biased opinion.

    “Also notice how they say “if you maintain healthy food choices”… guess what dumbasses? If people did maintain healthy food choices in the past, then this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. ”

    ^^^ HAHAHAH You just proved your first comment wrong lol
    at least you can see the light and might be on the road to finally understanding what you’re talking about. But I doubt it.

    “So what makes you think they will pick up these food choices after having an uncomfortable band in their bodies?”

    hrmmm Have U had this done? How do U know it is uncomfortable? Simple answer. YOU DONT! I have had this done and U do not feel the band at all. (I will revisit this once I make a mockery out of our 10$ fix LOLOL but we will get to that in a bit)

    Since portion control is the major reason why people are overweight in the first place. Once U gain an understanding of what you should eat, it becomes second nature to eat less. Once you eat less you will notice you need to eat CORRECTLY to maintain vitamins and energy. That is something someone with an IQ higher than 40 will figure out (I guess you haven’t hit that yet)

    “On top of all this, their claims for “weight loss” results aren’t any better than some of the faddish diet programs. Why would you pay 10x the amount? Ok to be fair I don’t know the exact amount it costs for this outrageous procedure, but it’s fair to say that you’ll go thin just thinking about the price.”

    U didn’t even bother to look at the costs involved?
    Do your research. lol (I can see why people already don’t take U seriously)
    there is a 97% success rate for males and an 85% success rate for females. But if U actually talked to the clinics and other doctors that do not preform this surgery to get an unbiased opinion. U would have figured this out!

    “I mean, they don’t mention the cost up front – you have to take a “consultation” so a sales person will call you, make you feel like shit till you give in. Perfect.”

    The consultation was VERY pleasant the person was able to sympathize with me because they too have gone under the surgery. They also explained the cons flat out and didn’t hide anything. a great experience
    again plz do some research LOL
    (Are U starting to get tired of being told to do research? HA)

    Let’s get to your $10 solution and the fact that you used Ronnie Coleman in it. Someone known to use steroids and methods of training that are by far worse for your body then this operation LOL

    I find it funny that U recommended going to Wal-Mart. That in itself is a great injustice. lets support one of the leading companies in the world known for exploitation. Good one, sir!

    “Grab a simple, extra long $10 belt from Wal-Mart and then tie it around your gut. Not so tightly that you can’t breathe, but tight enough to cause some tension and slight discomfort. Keep this on you 8 hours a day. Ta-Da!”

    No matter where U put this belt. It will not control portion size. plus the weaker willed. Have the option of taking it off. Whereas the band they do not. So there are 2 major flaws in your home made band LOL
    Doing this WILL make U feel uncomfortable and increase the likely hood that the weak willed. will simply take it off. Not a very good choice IMHO and a waste of $10. Just a thought but after losing the weight wouldn’t U have to buy a new belt?? Wouldn’t this then become a $20 home made fix? I only mentioned this because it further backs up my claims that you are a tool.

    “If you are hell bent on surgery, then why not go all the way and just do lipo? Makes sense to me.”
    Great spend $8,000 and put the weight right back on a few months later…
    Because you havent learned portion control. Good one……
    I dont say this much, but you sir are a complete and utter moron. With little fact to back up his outlandish claims.
    I would go deeper into ripping your lame opinion apart. But LOL
    I think this will be enough.

    So again, junior. Next time before you rant. Plz do some research!
    kk?thxbye!!!

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Baha, this response was ALSO generated from the same IP! 74.12.190.71. What, you didnt think I’d know what you tried to do? Well SURPRISE DUMBASS. You got caught trying to be sneaky. Goto failblog.org and send them your picture.

      Seriously, not only are you a pathetic low life loser who’s pretending to be 3 people at once, you’re also the biggest moron to ever surface the face of the earth. It’s a good thing I have seriously low expectations from losers such as yourself, otherwise I’d be really upset about this shit stain of a comment you left on my site.

      Where do I even being with you… Ok smartass, let’s address this COST issue. You’re telling me, that a $2900 down-payment for the surgery and then $389/month for the next FOUR fucking years is affordable? Get your head out of your soup bowl. (Source: slimband.com/pricing). I mean really, are you just extremely retarded or did your mom drop you on your fat face at an early age to see if you’d bounce? Even if a person lost 100lbs with Slimband, they would end up paying $215.72 PER POUND OF WEIGHT LOST (that’s $21,572 folks). For that kinda money, you should go buy yourself a KIA with a massive dildo on the front seat so you can haul your fat ass around and simultaneously GO FUCK YOUR SELF. Much better investment IMO.

      Now lets talk about your obvious lack of intuition and social IQ – The Ronnie Coleman/Wal-Mart belt thing was for JOKES, you know… shits and giggles. It’s called sarcasm. See how others get that and you don’t? Yeah it’s because you’re a LOSER. You were born a loser, you will stay a loser and you will DIE a loser. Winners don’t spend $21-grand to lose weight, they train with a real trainer and get REAL results like ALL of my ex-clients.

      And also, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU to call other people weaker-willed when your ass was topping 323 pounds while you stuffed your face with bullshit. Do you remember those days? Do you? When you were lonely and all you did was EAT because you had no will power to do shit about it? Yeah, feel the pain bitch… next time don’t call other people what you WERE. You are a living contradiction, a blind fool who believed that a $21 thousand dollar solution to weight loss was even remotely sane.

      So before I destroy your self esteem to the point of nothingness, I’d suggest you get a fucking life. Remember, just because you’re the size of 3 people doesn’t mean you need to PRETEND to be 3 people.

  19. girlnextdoor says:

    Well let me tell you ! …. I have lost now 82 pounds by myself working my ass off in the gym and i had gained that damn weight by taking a birth control that altered the chemical balances in my body because my body was having a reaction to this birth control so i went from a super confident woman to a shy less outgoing person. I buckled down and in a year i was me again and now im super fit. ON THE OTHER HAND !!! My cousin did this surgery because she had a binge eating disorder so her psychological issue needed to be addressed so with a therapist and getting the band done she lost 108 pounds so in certain cases it is a last resort a last option but for her its what she needed to do. Realistically there is not many people like her there is a lot of lazy people.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      It’s never a last resort options. Depressed individuals with no confidence can alter their moods with certain safe supplements (note: NOT medications) and then follow a smart program to lose the pounds.

      And congrats to you for losing the weight.

      • nerdgirl says:

        I have to say it is rather hilarious to continuously call others idiotic when it is quite clear that you obviously only know how to lift weights.
        Yes, you are a gymnastics coach. Yes, you have a black belt. Yes, you are a tumbler. You are doing what countless children do at lunch time…it doesn’t make you special or even all that talented- children age 5 do what you do so come down off your high horse. I am assuming that you have no medical training, you have no scientific background, and you are not a registered psychologist. You have a very superficial understanding of the world and human behavior, and you have clearly demonstrated that you have absolutely no clue about simple and basic human physiology. You are a simpleton who needs to put down the weights and pick up a book.
        you do not sound like someone who has ever had an issue with exercise, or maintaining weight. You also clearly do not suffer from a glandular issue (a gland is something in your body that secretes hormones..oh, a hormone is a chemical that acts as a signal in your body…oh a chemi- I’m going to stop explaining because i could see you just skipping over this paragraph as it is probably a little too heavy for you, it’s okay, really it is! You don’t understand why other people can’t lose weight because you just are not smart enough, it is okay, even the people scraping the bottom of the IQ scale can still contribute, you can do physical labor or be a jester like they used to make mentally retarded people do…oh wait, you already do. good stuff then) For those that do have glandular issues, it is not them being lazy and not wanting to work out, it is literally a series of chemical reactions within their body that is out of their control that is resulting in the weight gain.
        You are NOT a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even a counsellor- you have no right (or even the correct knowledge, clearly) to talk about depression as if it can just go away, you have no clue what treatment would be because you are incapable of even being able to fathom the pathophysiology that this disease actually entails. Depression is not just feeling sad or down-that is a common misconception held by ignorant simpletons- most people cannot even take care of themselves let alone hit the gym. Most of these people, without their medication, are a danger to themselves and others. Medication IS the safe supplement. In more severe cases people have to either live in group homes or institutions, in others’ people have opted to have various types of surgical intervention BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION.
        You obviously have no knowledge on the endocrine system, neuropsychology or really anything outside of your safe zone- the gym. It is no an accomplishment to be smarter than you as I am sure most kids who have taken elementary health are. You need to educate yourself before you start spewing ignorant fallacies that other idiots, much alike you can read and become misinformed.
        You sound very conceited, and if in fact you do look the way you do you do not need any help with weight loss, you will probably have a horrible time when you are older though (but then again all this science talk is probably just getting you all confused and frustrated- i will attempt to talk down to your level but it is hard to go from doctoral level to a pre-school level) You should however consider a consultation with a plastic surgeon because DAMN with a mug like yours you cannot afford to be unattractive (inside and out), a simpleton (it’s not your fault, SOME of it comes from your education, which I assume is from the united states), and a fat ass.
        So do all that YOU can, which i know doesn’t involve education, just go back to the weights, and dammit stop trying to think so hard, you’re going to get hurt.
        I am assuming that you will laugh and call me an idiot, but dear, I am NOT an idiot, I KNOW I am leaps and bounds ahead of you in any academic setting – even the gym (I can’t help notice that you are indeed NOT even a certified personal trainer, you are NOT a certified nutritionist, you are NOT ANYTHING) you don’t have background information on sports medicine, that I do in fact possess. So go ahead, laugh away, but just know that I am even laughing at your pathetic looking fitness book and let me tell you, you are not too attractive (you have the perfect face for radio) to be a comedian, but by the looks of this joke (it is a joke correct?) you are indeed funny enough.
        The biggest shame is that you think being overweight is somehow worse than being ignorant and a simpleton. Because of my lengthy rant you more than likely think (if you were even capable of processing any of it) it is because I am overweight, but in actuality I have a BMI that lands between 19-20, probably extraneous information but I wanted to beat you to the punch.

  20. FitJerk = Funny Fuck says:

    FitJerk you are fucking hilarious! People who come on here to bash you have no life and way toooo much time on their hands…maybe if they spent their time working out instead of bashing you, maybe – just maybe – they wouldn’t be lonely, miserable and still fat. For $21,000 you can get lipo and a tummy tuck – plus still afford a nutritionist and trainer to get you started in the right path. Oh and by doing lipo – you don’t have some plastic shit sitting in your gut and some doctor controlling your eating habits. Get off your asses and improve your lives with healthy eating and working out. No excuses.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      I know, I should be a god damn comedian. But I’m too good looking for that. Yeah I duno how much lipo costs since I don’t even concern myself with that nonsense but it’s probably a better option than this… considering the price.

  21. Chicky Bum says:

    So I was surfing the net for slimband costs, and I happend to come across your blog. I`ve read the messages you`ve posted, (as well as the other messages) and I gave my head a shake! What the fuck was I thinking! I was a fitness freak 10 years ago, and I looked amazing. But since then, I’ve been through a bad marriage, gained weight and I’m ten years older. I was seriously thinking about the slimband but something held me back. I know it’s not the right way, because I’ve lost weight the right way. It’s just that now I’ve got the extra weight, it’s tougher to get back into it. I need that motivation again to get me started. What is the etraining you’ve mentioned? I have started going back to the gym on my lunch hour, doing a half hour of cardio. Can you help me.

  22. L. Butler says:

    Hi FJ,

    I hope I can bring a little bit of balance to the comments people are posting. I am not in any way affiliated with Slimband but I have had the procedure.

    Many of the comments here reflect a moral judgment against people getting the banding for being lazy, gluttonous and “not wanting to do the hard work”. Not all of us are like that, though I’m sure some are. In order to prepare for the Slimband, which I regard as a tool to be properly used, I did a lot of work. I spent a year going to a clinic to learn to eat properly and break bad habits. I did a 10-week group course on emotional eating since I am one of those people who used to respond to emotional upheaval by eating. I also saw a private therapist to deal with these same issues. I found a personal trainer to help me figure out what I could do, at 350 lbs, with arthritis, to get some exercise. I paid for all of this privately.

    It is true, as someone said earlier, that banding is something that is supposed to be used for people like me who are morbidly obese, who have tried dieting and have physical limitations that prevent (at least for now) strenuous workouts. I was beginning to exhibit other health issues, such as sleep apnea and numbness in my limbs and knew that I had to do something NOW.

    I hope that I’ve done the groundwork that will allow me to drop some initial weight, relieving my arthritis somewhat, and gradually work my way back into a more active lifestyle. I am not trying to get something for nothing. I look forward to enjoying swimming, hiking and other activities that I used to enjoy before stress, motherhood and a desk job took their toll. I expect to exercise and eat properly.

    I had the banding surgery two weeks ago. I don’t care about pounds so haven’t weighed myself, but I have already lost 4″ off my waist. And I can afford the surgery. I have a well-paying job. What better to spend my money on than improving my health, as I did with the food clinic and the personal trainer?

    Interestingly, in my 20s I was very active, teaching aerobics classes and competing nationally in various dance genres. I played volleyball recreationally and swam regularly. For years, I was physically active at least 4 hours a day. So you see, obesity can creep up even on those who believe themselves to be healthy.

    I don’t regret getting the surgery because it’s working for me, I feel great, and each day I get a bit closer to getting back to a healthy, active lifestyle. Try to realize that not everyone is the same, and some of us need this help.

    L.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Aye, you def brought some balance to the force. I’ll always rep the dark side you know that. Everyone wants to be good but they all secretly want to live in a giant ball in space that shoots planet-shattering lasers.

      …well, that was kinda off topic.

  23. frankie says:

    I have to say as for the banner your right it does say goodbye to dieting. If you think about it you are actually saying good bye to it. The ad is saying that you will no longer need to knowingly diet as it is being done by the slimband itself and not you. And I would hope that people would not be stupid enough to think that this weightloss technique is to be used without eating healthier or excercise. The only way to lose weight is to eat less and stay active. And btw this procedure has been used for many years and is not a new technique. It is just an easier way to do it. It still requires surgury to put it in and take it out but it is no longer cutting off part of the intestine and has less of a death risk that came with Gastric Bypass surgury. The cost of the Bypass surgury is almost $70,000 it is not covered fully or in part by any insurance plan to my knowledge.

    I would rather have this done and pay whatever money than to have the un-kind words or thoughts being thrown at me. I feel for the larger person. Because no matter what they do to make themselves better they are made fun of. And it is no matter where they are, they can be in the pool swimming laps, or in the gym running a treadmill.

    And if you hav e such a crappy opinion about this procedure why don’t you offer your services for free for the same 4 year program.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      What other people think of you is none of your business. Why does anyone else’s opinion of you matter? This is the core reason that “fat people” still feel insecure after they lose the weight… they need to fist stop giving a fuck what others think of them and lose the weight for their OWN reasons. Not because of useless external factors.

      As for your last statement, that is just idiotic. Are you being serious? I’ll offer all my services for free if Slimband pays me the 20grand to transform every one of their clients without surgery. In the mean time, I have bills to pay.

  24. kathleen says:

    It’s easier said than done to lose weight; ask the thousands of Canadians who have struggled for years. The purpose of a lapband is to reduce the size of your stomach, giving you portion control when you can’t always do that with only willpower. Plus, because it is smaller, you must eat less. If you’ve never had a weight problem, you don’t get it. Yes the answer is “less calories, more exercise”…but anyone who’s ever had a weight problem knows it really isn’t that simple. Oh, and FJ doesn’t rock, that’s for sure.

  25. I have been on a special programme now for a few years now and I must say I feel great. Weight loss is a must , it makes you feel good and even look better. I see the whole world in a different way. A little bit of motivation and all will be great. Great Article…

  26. Teena says:

    I find it odd product placement that they always advertise the Slimband during “The Biggest Loser”. Aren’t they contradictions?!

  27. Janet says:

    I am considering lapband. I’m in my 50′s, and have struggled with weight all of my adult life. Diets work, but for some people the moment you stop a diet (even if you eat reasonably) it all creeps back on. And some people (me) have had so much other bad stuff to endure through their lives, that finding the time and discipline to spend much of every day thinking about food it just more than I can bear.

    My research on lapband (research beyond just this site) gives a LOT of positives from people who’ve had the procedure.

    I find a lot of comments on this site to be not only insensitive, but truly unaware of what MANY overweight people have actually already tried (and tried and tried). Those people generally do well with lapband, as it leaves you feeling full and satisfied with only a small portion of food. That is why it isn’t dieting, you eat as much as you want…..it’s just that you “want” less.

    How is that bad? (keeping in mind that most of us have tried tried and tried the other ways). Myself, I have about 80 to loose).. And, I am not lazy. I run my own business, I’m on the go all day long…physically running around. Another reason food is an issue is that I eat it on the run. And somedays I don’t eat much at all (not good, because then my metabolism goes into starvation mode).

    I struggle with my weight, and I struggle with a few other major issues in my life. I’d like to get control of this one thing without exhausting myself (diets do that) and working so darned hard….only to gain it back the moment I “let up” a bit (happens again and again).

    Give me a break and let ME decided how “I” wish to deal with this very difficult issue in my life without ridicule…..much of it from persons who have not been in my shoes.

  28. JoJo says:

    omg I can’t believe the negative opinions you express about the Slimband! You are a narrow minded moron who needs to walk a mile in the shoes of a morbidly obese person.
    I have tried everything out there with regard to diet and exercise and guess what???? I’m still overweight. When you are morbidly obese exercise is not only VERY difficult but often not possible.
    I would rather spend the money on the slimband (which is a direct investment in myself) than give a pompous ass like you one fucking cent!
    You obviously have never been obese because it is the people like you who have never been overweight, who have all the answers! I’m sorry , you useless waste of skin, you don’t have the answers!
    As for a previous post about how others view the obese…. you never having been overweight…. really have no clue now do you?? Even the most confident person will loss confidence and become insecure if nasty comments are thrown at them every fucking day! I want to lose weight for me and getting rid of the comments and dirty looks would be an extra bonus!
    I would just like to say in closing, you’re a joke!

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      omg I can’t believe stupid came in your sizes. Listen… whoever the fuck you are. I have a client who WAS on slimband but now is making GREAT progress for a price that she never thought would be so cost efficient.

      And I don’t want your fucking cent… in fact you’re not going to have a cent LEFT after you spend your scraps on this nonsense. Anyways you sound angry. You should place some DDR. Oh wait… never mind, you’ll break the machine. You see that? That was a joke. People reading this are laughing. Accept maybe you. Don’t come to MY domain and think you can bullshit your way out.

      Now please go waste your resources on undramatic results. We don’t need to hear about your idiotic life choices.

  29. melissa dallinger says:

    Ugg…My mom just told me last night she was having it done. My husband and I (he is fit and I’m not) have been encouraging her to get a personal trainer and a nutritionist for years…but she believes she needs to lose weight before she can workout. Sigh. So instead of paying someone to teach her to think about her food and workout, she is paying for a riduculous procedure. Umm wow…I wonder if she’ll lose a hundred pounds like she did on Weight Watchers? (and gained it back) Or the Bernstein Diet that she did before my wedding? (and gained it back) I am not optimistic, or supportive of this crap at all.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      That’s sad… and a huge mis-conception that you need to lose weight TO workout. The whole point of workotu is what? Burn calories and increase your metabolic rate… pretty simple. You’re telling me she can’t walk? She can.

      I’d stop your mother from doing this but at this point I’m afraid it’s too late. Her problem stems from the fact that she thinks weight loss is a means to an END. It never ends, it’s a lifestyle change. You reach a goal then you have to MAINTAIN it. Just like a garden. Anyways enough flowery talk, thanks for sharing.

  30. charles chan says:

    Everyone like to look as fit as fiddle and want to lose weight. Without exercise it would not be a perfect to reduce body fat even if you eat healthy nutritious diet daily. Option to submit yourself 30 minutes daily workout highly recommend.

  31. Rhonda says:

    My mom died when I was 8 from complications after having gastric bypass surgery…she was one of the victims during the pioneering stages of this ‘weight loss revolution’ back in 1979. She was BORN fat. She had tried EVERYTHING she could to ‘lose weight’ and nothing worked…for obvious reasons. Some people are not meant to look like that, just like some people are. We need to learn to accept others for their inner beauty and quit focusing on their looks. I’m sick and tired of weight loss companies, Slimband AND yourself included, who continue to steal money from people. Losing weight is EASY…take in less calories than you you burn in a day. There’s no big ‘secret’. If you honestly and SERIOUSLY try and can’t lose weight, then you are not meant to genetically. Plain and simple…

    Oh and you can stop spouting off about Slimband, too, you are NO BETTER than they are if you are charging people ANY amount of money for your ‘secret’. You make me as sick as they do.

  32. Luis says:

    Seriously I don’t care what other people say.
    Fit Jerk, reading your comments about this Slimband have helped me to make a good decision.
    There is not magic pill or magic procedure to loose weight and keep a healthy lifestyle but exercise and healthy eating.
    I have not been in the gym since November and I’ve gained so far 20 pounds.
    I used to be 190 now I am around 210!
    The problem with me is that when I am hungry I have this HUGE craving for junk food, and these past 2 months have been really bad in terms of eating!
    I am planning to go back to the gym in the New Year and going into a really really good diet.
    Are there any suggestions you have to handle the hunger?
    By the way your comments about Slimband rock!

  33. Bloggerman says:

    Great sharing. I’m subscribing to your site now. Thanks :)

  34. Donna says:

    Couple comments, I looked up this Slimband to see what it was due to all the commercials and found your te stupidest way to lose weight.
    I am 50 this year and unfortunately I had a job that also included over 3 hours of commuting each day so I sat on my butt on a good day 14 hours a day. Home to 2 children, making supper, school work, house work etc. then mentally tired on the couch. Basically I sat down and spread out, 14 hours a day will do that. Yes the answer is portion control, water and exercise, life intrudes on this as we all know. Kids get older, they are in sports and when they finally are old enough for those of us who now say it is back to my time, it is hard and we find ourselves desparate.
    I read all the comments and the conclusion is this.
    I will not do the slimband, I thank you for the insight to the cost and I am not that keen about the procedure. Because what is really the point, it is only successful if you eat healthy and excerise. it is really too bad there is the other stuff, I swear like a trooper but I am really trying to stop. The snarky crap back and forth honestly is not needed. Your information is for that 89% of us that should and could be successful “with motivational help”. The help from their own household to be successful is really key and if you are lucky enough to have a friend to walk with each day, success is truly within reach. I guess all I am saying Fitjerk and everyone who wrote in, is that there is no question he is right for the majority of the population. Slimband might not be for me and again I am not naive, we have the freedom of giving our opinion but it the reading of all the comments would have been alot easier without the jazz.

  35. linaamendola@rogers.com says:

    There is only three things you need to lose weight and keep it off 1′st a healthy diet 2nd a exericse routine that you can do on a daily basis even if its only 30 minutes a day and last a postive attitude, all this bs that they try to sell you is just a money grap.

  36. Chimera says:

    Have read all of the comments so far and yet there isn’t any ONE statement that relates to an actual obese person. Weight is just that… weight. A person who weighs over 300 lbs cannot successfully WANT to exercise and loose that weight, even though they understand, and YES they do understand that that weight is killing them. People who work out and are weight trainers get to walk away from their weight, whereas a person who is obese lives with it 24/7. Not using this as an excuse but when they see that there is something out there that just might get them down to a reasonable weight to exercise they might just do anything to get to that point. Weight is WEIGHT, it brings down a person not just with size but with psychology. YES, exercise is important. VERY important, but for a person who is weighted down it’s an absurbed notion that they can just get up and boogy. A suggestion… someone strap on 300 lbs over and above their existing weight and exercise. Was it easy… HELL NO! All that a obese person wants is to get to the point where they CAN move and achieve a success story. Long term, short term, whatever. And plus there are people out there that through no fault of their own, i.e. thyroid issues are obese. What do they do. Health issues stemming from obesity causes damage when they want to exercise. Hell a obese person could die just as they try to do a sit up. I’m not saying that Slimband is the answer, what I am saying is that obesity is a chronic condition that shouldn’t be scoffed at. It’s not simple, it’s a very very difficult situation. And NO, it’s not as simple as a healthy diet, exercise and a positive attitude… I’m vegan, have thyroid issues and am overweight, fighting this is ongoing. I walk, bike, swim, hike, skate, a little yoga, and do a workout with assistance, and through it all am trying very hard to be upbeat about it all. It’s a freaking HARD. Especially with people out there who reticule people and or talk about them behind their backs, trust me we hear it all. So the end point… for those who are obese, this “Slimband” might be a money crapola but it’s something to get them to a point where they MIGHT feel normal enough to get past others perception of them. Remember most people who are overweight are food addicts and it’s much much more difficult for them to go cold turkey to coin a phrase then say an alcoholic. You eat to live, they live to eat. To flip flop that is as difficult as them doing YOUR 30 minutes a day. To you I give congrats for sticking to your plans… to those out there that are trying to be what YOU would call normal, I give you strength to continue and a hearing aide to turn off, or tune out the negativity. You are so much more then those others will ever know or try to. HUGS

  37. Jean says:

    I love this article and it is so true everything you said. I actually know someone who had this procedure and i think it is the dumbest thing to ever have done especially when there is an open port in the side of your body (Is this the way nature intended) i think NOT. I just think it’s a total babysitter for the person who does not have the forethought to stop shoving unhealthy oversized portions of food in there mouth. Get off the damn sofa and do a bit of brisk walking or something. Instead of sitting there saying OMG i don’t understand why i am so fat and can’t get it off. It all starts with babysteps and time and effort and no one is gonna argue with me that you can’t do it the good old fashioned way with a simple change of your diet, portions and simple exercise. My father topped out at 350 at his heaviest and in a year and a half he lost 130lbs and has kept it off and i myself have also lost 60lbs and am still working on losing another 60. It is possible to lose weight without a surgical aide such as “Slimband”, you have to have the right state of mind and really want it for you, not anyone else. I feel it’s more rewarding to slip into a pair of jeans that didn’t fit before and know i worked really hard to get there instead of working financially hard to pay off the over sized price tag that comes with such a device as “Slimband.”

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      I’d give you a hug Jean, because you GET it. I specially liked this line “a total babysitter…” Nice. Not only that, you know exactly what it takes to lose the weight, consistency. That’s the secret to weight loss people. Not $20k on a surgical procedure.

      Good for you, keep that shit up. You got momentum on your side, the next 60 should be a breeze.

  38. Kacie says:

    The worst thing you are doing here is insulting everyone who disagrees with you. Can you sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up please. People are allowed to have different opinions. You don’t know everything. Maybe people would respect you more if you didn’t attack them and call them stupid every time they have different ideas than you.

    Please grow up. I’m sure you’re an adult which is extremely depressing because adults should not behave the way you do. For fucks sake, I’m only 18 and I know that. Get a fucking grip and stop being so rude. So you think the Slimband is dumb. That doesn’t mean everyone else in the fucking world has to agree with you.

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      Hm, an 18 year old telling me how to behave… love it. Listen little missy, while people don’t have to agree with me, I’m free to lay down the verbal smackage onto whomever or whatever company I see fit. Why? My site, my fucking rules. Don’t get this twisted.

      When you own your own shit, you can make your own rules. Till then, enjoy expressing your freedom of speech but don’t bite off more than you can chew. This is like my house… and I’ll be damned if I let some little brat talk her face off on my turf. Got it? Good.

      Now run home to mommy and tell her how silly Slimband really is.

  39. P Diddy says:

    I like gold and virgins.

  40. Amy says:

    wow….
    ok first of all Kacie, fit-jerk was only rude to those who came on this website completely closed minded and acted like they knew everything when they still are at a weight thats unhealthy (obviously since your “researching slimband”), they called him an ass…a joke why? because hes saving us from getting this stupid fucking surgery…informing us of how unhealthy and unstable this product is? Wow how fucking stupid are you? Closeminded, uneducated brats like you piss me off and yea…if this was my site id be rippin you a new hole to.
    When i first heard about slimband i thought i would look into it cause i seriously thought it was one of those wide elastic band things that you put around your waste when you work out (cause i cant seem to find them on sale). This surgery is the stupidist thing i ever heard of. First of all to loose weight is not just about loosing weight, its a life style change…becoming more active and energetic, loosing weight and keeping it off, eating large amounts of fruits and veggies, not getting surgery and eating very small amounts of whatever the fuck you want . Slimband lasts 5- 10 years…what happeneds after that? you start eating shitty again…not exercising why? cause slim band teaches you nothing! it lets you loose a measily 1-2 pounds a week while you sit your fat ass on the couch and do shit all but you learn nothing cause your letting a band around your stomache loose the weight for you, as far as im concerned, after the 5 years is up…you back a square one.
    Another thing…dont come on this site with your fuckin sob story about how obese you are and that you have tried everything. First of all if your that fat and start eating and exercising (after the first 15 lbs) the weight MELTS off you, i know this from experience. second of all if you tried everything and your still as morbid as you are then obviously you didnt try hard enough. Im sorry but going on a diet for 2 days then falling off the wagon and eating all that shit that made you huge in the first place, is not trying, that is laziness and weakness. So many people have lost weight…i have lost weight, do you think it was fuckin easy? FUCK NO DUMBASS! we worked our asses off to get where we are now. and if your falling off this wagon that easy then you were that serious in loosing the weight in the first place. you fuckin lazy people piss me off….fit-jerk? your my hero

  41. Amy says:

    oh another thing….im 50 pounds down and have 50 to go
    if i can do it, anyone can BELIEVE ME!

  42. Gem says:

    To be honest, I was curious about what it was…the name alone made me think wrist band type thing….lol..was I ever surprised to learn it was a 20 k surgery…just to have metal/plastic stuck in u…EWWWW! Creepy!….ur comments are funny and the fights/arguments hilarious!..people should research this before getting it done, I’ve seen people spend only $1000 for year long support/food/exercise through herbal magic and lose weight and keep it off…that’s still crazy to me…if I had a thousand bucks I’d get a trainer n personal dietian/chef…lol…
    Thanks for the fun read…

  43. Disgruntled-Slimband-Client says:

    OMG – I wish I had come across your post BEFORE I went to Slimband last September. There was so much hype surrounding lap band surgery and Slimband itself and their sales person on that “free consultation” call caught me at one of my weakest moments and I said yes. There was no turning back. I had to make a $4000 deposit and if I change my mind, I’d lose it. I selected to pay up front for the surgery, instead of a payment plan, so the cost was $16k. Ugh…

    I wanted to chime in here to add some additional food for thought for those thinking about going ahead with the procedure…

    Be aware that their website and ads constitute false advertising and completely plays to people’s emotions. I have about 85 lbs to lose and since September (that’s almost 6 months folks) I’m down a whopping 13.5 lbs.

    I believed the claims on their website:

    “…immediate and drastic results.”

    Hmmm… Does 13.5 lbs in 6 months constitute dramatic? I think not.

    “Unlike a diet, the Slimband Program doesn’t require you to actively manage your weight loss. No counting calories. No watching what you eat. No more worries about “cheating.”

    Woweee, I was excited to jump on board. I’m a junk food junkie (obviously, I need to lose 85 lbs) and run a few online businesses – meaning I’m sitting on my butt all day and all night long too. Truthfully, I was looking for something easy and a no-brainer. Apparently, I needed some more brains.

    There are a number of complications that I’ve run into since being banded:

    Food Gets Stuck
    Yes, because you’re restricted, food does often get stuck going down. You know how it feels when you’re eating and it just doesn’t seem to go down? Hurts huh? Now, think about feeling like this for up to 1/2 an hour. I learned that purging alleviates this much quicker than waiting for it to pass – but how good for you can this be?

    Their mantra, small bites, chew, chew, chew. I do this and still, food gets stuck. Sux.

    Fills Hurt
    You have to have the band adjusted, via saline solution added to the band around your stomach by way of a long needle inserted into the port which resides just under my skin on the left side of my torso at the front waist. (Thankfully, the needle is very fine and doesn’t hurt at all.) You have to reach what they call your “sweet spot”, which is the optimal restriction to begin to lose weight. Obviously, I’m not there yet.

    With my first fill, the doc added A LOT of saline solution, as they were trying to get to my “sweet spot” as fast as possible. Well, let me tell you. I thought I was going to die. This procedure left me over-restricted, to the point where I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva. I threw up my own foamy spit about once ever 20 minutes or so until I could get to my own doctor for an “emergency de-fill”, which was about 14 hours later. Then things subsided but I sure wasn’t at my “sweet spot”. That was in late October.

    Of course, I was a bit shy about getting another fill but hell, I’m not losing any weight and after 16 grand, I want to see some results damn it. So, I went in Wednesday for another fill – this time a relatively small one. Once again, I’m having difficulties. I haven’t eaten since Wednesday (it’s Friday now), because I can feel the band around my stomach, I’m having difficulties sipping water comfortably and I wake up sputtering and coughing from what they term, reflux. Basically, I’m throwing up in my mouth and then choking on it. Gives you a good visual? Yuck.

    I’m completely disillusioned, annoyed with myself for getting so sucked in, and desperately want to get this excess weight off.

    Oh, and what was mentioned earlier – one of their slogans, “Say goodbye to dieting forever…” Don’t even get me started…

    I’m sure that if this does start to work and I do find that elusive “sweet spot” and start dropping the weight, my opinion might change but right now, I simply feel like I have “sucker” stamped on my forehead.

    So, once again, if you’re thinking of lap band surgery as an option, please, please, please do your research so you can know all the facts before you proceed, and think long and hard before jumping in. Don’t call them for an exploratory conversation first – their sales tactics are hardcore and completely play to your emotions.

    BTW, I’ve joined a local gym and have hired a personal trainer to get on the road to a healthy lifestyle. I’m going to use the nutritionist I paid all that money for at Slimband for all they’re worth. Wish me luck! =)

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      I wish you came across this before as well… but thanks for sharing your story. You’re probably saving hundreds (if not thousands) by helping them stay clear of such over-hyped and over-priced nonsense. And since I’ve never had the surgery personally I could never counter their “no pain” claim.

      But now I know.

  44. FitsU says:

    I am going to share this with others… I really enjoyed your article. The reality is that with proper (common sense) fitness and nutrition work, none of this is necessary (and it is entirely too dangerous.

  45. BarbieSBB says:

    I cannot help but nearly cry when I read this article. I have about 50lbs to loose till I get to my “goal weight”. My weight got out of control after having 2 beautiful children and 2 miscarriages. I did get on the right track for awhile and did the P90x program, I lost 12 pounds, 6% body fat and felt completely empowered. It was a big deal to try to work out over an hour every day with two children to manage under the age of 4. Since graduating the program I have went back to my stupid ways, stopped exercising and started eating poorly again. I gained all the weight back, feel like a failure and like ultimate crap. I have been desperately seeking a way to gain control again and have been consulting with a Slimband Consultant. She HAD me sold. Trying to find a way to come up with the down payment, possibly getting an evening/weekend job to pay the monthly payments and CONVINCING my husband who is hell bent against it that it is MY solution. (He has dropped weight exercising and eating properly, started by P90X) He feels doing things the right way is a no-brainer, but I reassure him he has never walked a day in my shoes and this is the solution for me….
    The reason I even stumbled upon this site was when I was looking for links to send him on why Slimband was so wonderful and how it was going to solve my problems…
    WELL, All I have to say now is, Disgruntled Slimband Client just saved me $16,000!!! (And Fit Jerk of course.)
    I started reading Fit Jerks article and things were brought to light to me that I was too blinded to even consider. I didn’t even REALLY know what I was getting into, kinda, but not.
    After reading the numerous blogs I was still wishy washy that the procedure was still for me. HOWEVER, after reading Disgruntled Slimband users post I without a doubt WILL NOT do the surgery!! I have had problems in the past with things getting stuck while eating, and have been quite scared from it. I have even had tests done to see why that problem was occurring. In the back of my mind I was worried that it might make it worse and now know that it would.. I also was looking for a “quick solution” drop the 50lbs and feel great, but I am facing the reality that I now just need to do things the way I should have been for the past 6 months. Buck up and eat right and exercise! I AM going to do it!! And I THANK YOU, THANK YOU for posting what you did. I honestly Thank God that I ran into this site.

  46. Mom says:

    After reading the informtion, I am now scared for my son. He is 16 years old and 370 lbs. After years of doctors, nutritionists and trying to get him moving and eating healthy, my doctor says when he turns 18 he can have the “stomach band”. Thinking this would be a solution….until I read about it. He has such a hard time exercising. I don’t know what to do for him?

  47. Allison says:

    I’m shocked by some of the people on this board who are pro-slimband.

    I like how the Slimband representative said that the clients ONLY go to Slimband after they have done every diet, and have tried everything to lose weight on their own.

    I think that is bull crap. I used to think I couldn’t lose weight and I tried everything…atkins…the cabbage diet…not eating….and guess what1? Those things didn’t work. Do you want to know why? Because #1 – I wasn’t mentally ready and thoguht things would change overnight and #2 – they’re not supposed to work.

    Slimband is the same. Once all the people who have used slimband realize and possibly gain all their weight back, it will be the same company trying to sell them something else.

    Today I have lost 40 lbs just by changing what and how I eat and exercise.

    Another thing…this Slimband thing says you can eat whatever you want. Soooo…these people still want to eat high fat/artery clogging foods…but as long as they’re skinny their happy.
    Well guess what…just cause you’re skinny doesn’t mean you are healthy.
    Have fun having a heart attack.

  48. H says:

    So I’m going to reply in the same manner you have posted and use free speach-your’re an asshole and don’t know shit about what you are talking about. Before you cut the procedure down perhaps you should have done more research with actual patients having had it done. Is it expensive yes, is it worth it, yes and it’s a hell of a lot safer than having bypass surgery! I will challenge you to something, try putting on a fat suit, so you look as tho you weigh 300lbs and tell me if you can do any form of exercise, try doing a burpee or a squat and let me know what you think. Walking up and down a flight of stairs was hard enough and you think i’m lazy for not trying to do a zillion squats! Fuck you asshole! The lap band saved my life, I have dropped 110lbs and now that I can actually move I do workout-vigorously but wihtout the band that would never have happened. I say take down your pathetic website and get a fucking life!

    • - Fit Jerk - says:

      You were obviously too fucking STUPID to read any of the comments, or just too lazy (which makes sense because you went for a moronic solution to your problem).

      Your lazyness defines it all and it shows in the action you took towards solving your weight problem. First of all, you were too lazy and lacked any willpower to keep the weight from ballooning and two, didn’t bother with proper protocols to lose it. Slimband is for morons like you who indulge in instant gratification.

      I have no time or sympathy for fag bags like you who spend an eternity adding to a problem then demanding others to fix it for them in an instant. If it took you a decade to slab on the lard and take up extra space in public, you better damn well commit at least a YEAR to changing your habits and training under proper guidance to lose it.

      See if you were SMART, you would have read the shit that people went through. Let me refer you to the following comments:

      #68
      #74
      #71
      #55

      But who am I kidding, you won’t read those, because you’re too god damn lazy. You won’t do anything to change your HABITS until you gain at least half of that weight back.

      Oh and just so you know, you paid nearly $200 per pound of weight lost. Foolish.

  49. toby says:

    I never cease to be amazed at the bigotry towards people who can’t loose weight. I quit smoking and broke my pelvis dislocated my left knee and broke my left foot in an accident not 3 months after. In one year I was up 110lbs. overeating you bet I was I was.

    As a smoker I did not ever need to watch my weight happily going along at 120. I have tried so many things and most of them fitness related. I canoe, hike walk the dog 3 times a day do aerobics every Saturday morning and Yoga every Sunday.

    I could be a crack snorting steroid pushing anorexic and get more respect. I have a problem I do not know how to fix – I have seen the doctor, no thyroid problem, no other health problems either so basically a healthy fat person. I could give a shit about being skinny, unfortunately the world around me convicts me like the snotty little comments about “how fat people just don’t want to do the hard work” you want a load of BS well that is it. I work my ass off at staying fit and eat basically a normal diet. I don’t drink pop don’t eat chips and hate ice cream. The truth is for some of us you are the problem and this insanely drastic measure people turn to is because of the way you treat them.

    You are the problem not us – you are a racist but we are every color – I have pity for you that you are so vain and shallow that you are ignorant to your own hate.

  50. hana says:

    I come from a place where I’ve been fit, athletic, as well as a place of being over-weight and sedentary, back to a place of self perceived health & fitness. I have both a natural fitness perspective and a education/professional background in health care.

    Everyone has their own reasons for having a higher body fat % and there are varied pathways that will bring them to a point of having body fat % that is closer to the health/self perceived range of “healthy” or “ideal”.

    Let’s remember to come from a place of not judging anyone for the paths that they personally choose to take for their own very reasons. Some may try this and find it doesn’t work for them… and some may try and have amazing successes with it.

    Being a personal trainer and health care professional, I understand that some live with metabolic disorders or are on treatments that inherently cause uncontrollable weight gain. In addition they may have physical barriers to being able to engage in fitness activities to the intensity and level that is required for the level of fitness training you are referring to.

    I’m all about prevention, but what do you do when prevention is long passed and now it’s time for interventions?

    I get where nutrition and fitness activities fit into a “healthy lifestyle” but many live with chronic diagnoses and illnesses.

    Would we deny anyone the opportunity to try to use different tools and means to reach their goal? Would we deny and judge a person who has a morbidly obese diagnosis and wishes to look in the mirror and perceive themselves as healthy? Would we judge someone simply because they choose to use their financial means in a way that differs from our own values & beliefs?

    I think people are using Slimband more and more for optional intervention as opposed to medically mandated treatment because Personal Trainers are unaccessible, they don’t deliver what they promise, and they aren’t education/experienced enough to help EVERYONE with their weight concerns.

    The number of people who are using alternative/surgical weight loss methods should actually drive trainers/nutritionists to keep up and be better, market ourselves more honestly, be further educated beyond a weekend course of “how to personal train”, and seriously… Corporate gyms KILL any trust clients can have in trainers. Clientele pay a corporate gym 90-100$ for a “no-body trainer” with no real experience and legitimacy. They aren’t motivated by desire to see people acheive results, they are motivated to demoralize their clients just enough that they have to keep coming back.

    We’ve made fitness such a complex, financial, emotional, difficult pathway… the health & fitness industry HAS to own that.

    If anything, personal trainers, nutritionsts, independent gyms/studios need to step it up to better meet the changing needs of this population.

    ps. the “hate/profanity” approach has completely removed you from having any ability to have a positive influence on anyone considering weight loss interventions. You’ve cut yourself off from a population who still think they can’t “do it” with nutrition and “fitness activities”. You’ve actually proved the reason why personal training has very little legitimacy. Personally, I wouldn’t want to receive training from you no matter how may credentials, how much experience, or how many successfull stories you have. You simply wouldn’t be sensitive or supportive to someone in a vulnerable place and would do more harm than good and create a barrier for your own cause. Please consider this as peer feedback intended to be constructive and not demeaning. However perceive it however you will. :)

  51. I just want to say this is a great article, and you have a new avid reader.

  52. Louis says:

    Thank you for this clear and concise summation and critique. I found that these services are often intentionally vague to avoid revealing the flaws and persuade the reader to focus on the conceptual weight loss.

  53. Laurie says:

    Good article, too bad you lost me at the 1 st Fuck. If you were creative enough to find information and write an article one would think you could have found a better way of expressing yourself. The way it is now it sounds like a child raving, lacking the necessary expressions to get his/her point across.

  54. Crystal says:

    I would have to agree with laurie. I am a 24 year old overweight women, now dont just assume I am some couch potato. I have 2 boys and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism after my 1st child, my family and I eat healthy, and are very outdoors people, I enjoy zumba and do that and my daily excercise, however.. I have no gained NOR lost any weight, and I am still 198lbs. dur to my condition and not being able to loose weight I was considering the slimband, and then I found your article.. and I would have to say it did make me rethink my decision.. again however.. after the several \”fucks\” I read in this article makes me wonder if you my dear sir know what you are talking about. You should have takeing the time to express yourself in a more healthy manner,,, instead of sound like a ranting 12 yr old. too bad !!!

  55. JennB76 says:

    I think for some people food is a struggle and Slimband is a great way to lose weight permanently when you have tried all other things. With obesity comes depression, insatiable hunger and all kinds of other things that thin people may have no idea about. If you are obese you SHOULD get this surgery- OBESITY is killing us! If we covered this surgery by OHIP then we’d save SOOO much money in the end. Ask yourself this- How many seriously fat people do you know that dieted and KEPT the weight off? Very few. No one chooses to be fat…..no one. Thin people do not understand.

  56. Ash says:

    I think people should loose weight how they want to.. Doesn’t matter if it’s through surgery, eating healthy, personal trainers…… We should just all be supportive of eachother in whatever process it is.

  57. Gravlore says:

    If you make 22 bucks an hour this surgery will cost you 982 hours (if you make $22 dollars an hours. And this is after 26% tax) to make you thin.

    I am starting a juice fast this week and my food bill was $160 for the week. People dont eat healthy because it costs more (which it doesnt). For me it was because I thought it tasted bad. And my excuse is “oh nothing works”

    Go on a straight RAW veggie and fruit eating plan and tell me you CANT lose it. Fuckin horse shit excuses I have and I am sure the rest of the fatties have.

    I have never seen anyone NOT lose weight on a juice fast and then MAINTAIN eating Raw afterwards.

  58. I also tried to loos my weight but could’nt .Because I was trying it by just reducing the my food,but I felt weakness.

  59. emira says:

    hi there i was banded with slimband just 4 months ago ..YOUR RIGHT ITS ALL BS ,i havent lost any weight they lied to me when i had my consultation .which for ur info was a former patient not a medical expert and to top off i made sure i explained i was never on a diet before and could not stick to it .she clearly said no worries that the band would reduce me to a cup of food bull shit again ive had all my fills to the cap of 10ccs its designed for only that amount .i dont feel restricted at all and now they are saying they can TWEEK IT add more to my band ,which concerns me because its not desinged to hold more than 10 so why would u TWEEK it ..anyhow they only people loosing weight on this surgery are people very obese as they cut themselves down to 1 cup of food .but why pay slimband to tell you to do that .u will have to diet forever and wht the dont tell u is theres 15 percent arent succesful .i wish i was well advise and i encourage people to write honest reveiews .i would like to make contact with as many people as possible who have had the surgery and no results or lil results or who were lied to or misinformed ,so we can stand together and get all our money back from slimband and make others aware .

  60. TJ says:

    These sort infomercials are everywhere. Shocking that people actually go for this, and pay that sort of money. Great disclaimer by the way :)

  61. Marlene says:

    #1 intelligent persons do not need to use foul language to get their point across..I am about to have this procedure done and have been struggling with my weight for years and health issues related to it..and have tried everything including lypo, low fat , atkins , you name it I’ve been there..but try to maintain the loss ..hah thats a different story.. when the message does’nt reach the brain that your full till you’ve eaten too much…and slowly you are back to square one .. not good that roller-coaster ride…

  62. There are a lot of overly provocative messages and replies in this blog post. As an impartial physician and surgeon, I felt it was necessary to chime in. Although surgical interventions should not be undertaken without considering alternatives, they do provide some benefit to certain individuals.

    While it is true that some individuals seek gastric banding as a means to attain, cosmetically, a more optimal figure, not all clients follow that template. Unlike other forms of bariatric surgery (gastric bypass, roux en y, etc), gastric banding is (relatively) less invasive (surgically speaking) and provides only a catalyst for change. That in itself is the beautiful part of the operation. It provides some physiological limitation to induce restraint and weight loss, however the large majority of weight loss need be mediated from behavioural changes (i.e., dietary adherence and physical activity participation). Unlike other forms which simply limit caloric absorption and ultimately remove parts of the stomach and GI tract, gastric banding (which can be removed post-operatively by the way) provides only light-moderate pressure, to induce satiety.

    As an outsider it’s easy to call this intervention an excuse or “easy way out”. However, for those who have physical/mobility limitations or suffer from extreme obesity, it may be (the only) ideal alternative to regaining their independence. Moreover, being forced to learn and adhere to lifestyle interventions (a facet typically only associated with gastric banding versus other forms of bariatric procedures) can also provide life-long weight management skills necessary to extend both life expectancy and quality of life.

    Remember, not all individuals have the ability to just get up and work it off. As someone who is comfortable enough to pose for photographs shirtless and post them online, you may not understand the issues underlying many patients seeking these types of interventions.
    Although I try to promote understanding of the surgery, I am an advocate of physical activity as being the best medicine of all.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo

  63. John says:

    Your so hooked In the money factor. You have every right to your opinion and freedom of speech, but really you just sound like an asshole who cant afford it.

  64. Liana V arnava says:

    i appreciate your comments, slim band was something surgery was something I was considering. I have been struggling with my weight for 30 years. Recently I have broken 2 discs in my back and have undergone surgery. I cannot work out in an appropriate way to lose weight. So I feel stuck and desperate. I will try to look for alternatives. Dieting works to some degree but I have lost and gain the weight many times. Take care, keep it real.

  65. thea says:

    Took my time reading all the posts regarding this slimband stuff. I have been curious but never gave in. For me its always been the cost, $$$ just can’t do it. All in all, the real way to loose weight is to face yourself in the mirror, and be honest with yourself. What happened to you years ago to re-direct you into this way of feeding your emotions that has become out of control that has now caused a whopping basketful of medical health issues and well as a closet full of clothes that are too small from just last week. What is going on inside ones head that is so powerful that you are paralized into doing nothing and seeking a quick way out? why not just face your fears and anxieties and get real with yourself. if your so-called friends are not there to support you in making a healthy new life?, then they are NOT real friends, drop them like a gernade. Losing weight is a journey, and so was gaining it. It didn’t happen over night, so why should the loss be so easy? No, stop and listen to what this guy “FitJerk” says… its all about exersize and food choices and not giving up on yourself.

    and on that note I need to listen to my own words
    thanks
    T

  66. miss elaine says:

    hay fit jerk! i love your jerky personality, rock on !

  67. Jessica says:

    Hav you ever met someone who has had the Slimband procedure? Probably not based on your opinion. I have the Slimband, Ive had it for 6 years now this coming April. I went from a lonely, miserable and fat person to a happy, life loving and healthy person. I lost a total of 128 pounds which brought to my goal weight and have kept it off. I had to work after the surgery, this isn’t a miracle surgery. This is a life changing surgery. I was ready to do what I had to do to lose the weight and be healthy. You can’t sit on the couch eating twinkies and expect this or anything for that matter to work.
    I only wish you would have taken the time to research this topic fully before writing such an opinionated and harsh article.

    • A says:

      I dont believe that meeting someone with this surgery is really necessary for believing how Idiotically Dangerous this product is, as the information present on this surgery is simple enough to comprehend how much of it is a Monstrosity.
      Waiting for someone to track a few I.P.s and ensure we dont have some money-biased opinions that will hurt people more than help.

  68. Schootar says:

    Now the Slimband surgery is down to $16000.00! or $0 down and only $89.00 a WEEK for 5 years!!! wow! I cant believe i actually thought about this! This has encouraged me to join a quality gym and hire a personal trainer, a good one that will motivate me and kick my ass!!! and all for a fraction of the slimchance, i mean bands cost!!!

    p.s. after speaking with someone with a slimband, the only way they will gain the weight back is if they have the band removed.

  69. SLM83 says:

    I have the Slimband, going on my two year anniversary next month. My starting weight when banded was 364 pounds, today I am 189 pounds. Slimband saved my life and I have NEVER dieted or been to the gym once sincebeing banded. It is a total lifesaver and I find your alternative suggested to it very rude and offensive. The surgery is expensive, yes as it is a SURGERY but how much money has the average person wasted on gym memberships, dieting pills, meal plans, meeting with nutritionist, weight watchers, jenny craig, nutrisystem only to gain it all back? Enough said.

  70. JohanSedaris says:

    Slim max is a new natural formula that helps to eliminate the cholesterol contents in your body. It is dramatically improve your health without any diet in the food and also without any side effects in that. It increases the energy level by burning out the fat content in the body. To know more details visit http://www.slimmaxbrasil.net/

  71. Petra Wiggin says:

    I just found out a friend of mine had this surgery, she had complications…she used the terms too busy for the gym and a need to change her eating habits she quoted the advert word for word..its freaking brainwashing…want to know an easy way to lose weight…eat for your blood type…and walk everyday…its as easy as that, I lost 12 pounds of fat just fat in 2 weeks…and I dont have ANY dietary issues anymore…I have been eating only whats on my blood type list and walking everyday…I sleep better, feel better am never bloated, eat better than have ever…

  72. buy raspberry ketones says:

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  73. fvo system says:

    I leave a response each time I appreciate a article
    on a site or if I have something to valuable to contribute to the discussion.

    Usually it is triggered by the passion displayed in the article I read.
    And after this article Slimband/Gastric Banding – Stupidest Way To Lose Weight. I was actually moved enough to post a thought
    :-P I actually do have a few questions for you if you tend not to mind.
    Is it just me or do a few of these remarks look like written by brain dead individuals?
    :-P And, if you are writing on other sites, I’d like to follow you. Could you make a list the complete urls of your social sites like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

  74. fitness4less says:

    Incredible points. Solid arguments. Keep up the great effort.

  75. Hong says:

    Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you
    wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could
    do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is wonderful blog.
    A great read. I will definitely be back.

  76. I’m amazed, I must say. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s equally educative and entertaining, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head.

    The issue is something too few men and women are speaking intelligently about.

    Now i’m very happy I found this during my search for something relating to this.

  77. morven says:

    I am a personal trainer and would never advise on any way to lose weight other than with diet and exercise.However I know a woman who was 350lbs and 5ft2.She had the procedure and lost a lot of weight. The doctor advised she get this and had nothing to do with him but rather that she had tried everything and this was the last hope.So don’t be too quick to judge ,We are talking extreme weight and extreme measures to lose wieight.

  78. Dick Magnus says:

    I recently devised my own surgical weight loss procedure, I call it “sewing your mouth shut”. What happens is you come into my office, I use my army issue sewing kit with the cheap, dull needles and polymer threads to sew your mouth shut so you can’t stuff it with food. It makes just as much sense as the slim band, except it’s way more affordable and I use JD for anesthesia like a real cowboy.

  79. Lynda says:

    Nice post. I used to be checking continuously this blog and I’m inspired! Very helpful information particularly the last part :) I maintain such information a lot. I used to be seeking this particular information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  80. John says:

    This slimband is a scam. If you really want to lose the weight use other tools. Go for addiction counselling, get a support group, there’s even Over Eaters anonymous. Formulate a goal in your head, focus on that goal. I figure that if people really want to lose the weight, if they really want change they will go for it. I have two kids and 12 months ago I weighed 250lbs, 60lbs lighter and all I had to do was change my diet and excercise. Reach for veggies not a bag of chips. I didn’t gain the weight overnight so logic tells me I won’t lose it over night use your heads people. Rational thought goes a long way and lifestyle does affect your ability to lose weight. Stay focused and as for the cost of slimband; trust me…. Money is waaaay better spent on a personal trainer!

  81. Huge mistake says:

    I had the slimband installed 2 years ago and now weigh 17 lbs. more than I did prior to the surgery. I have constant pain on the side where the port is located and eating is a frightening experience. No matter how much I chew, some things get stuck and I can’t breathe until they are thrown back up – extremely painful and scary experience. I did try to research the band prior to surgery but didn’t find anything negative at all about it. Just lots of rahrah ads that made it sound like the solution I was desperate for. I didn’t get to speak to a doctor for a consultation since I am from out of province, just a telephone sales pitch from a local success story. I can not lie comfortably on my left side to sleep and sometimes get a stitch in my side – ironically the kind of pain I would have previously associated from walking at a fast pace for an extended period. I have contemplated having the band removed but I felt like for the amount I spent on it, I desperately wanted to be a success story and not give up so easily.
    Now I am going to look into having it removed because of the increased discomfort. Constant choking and vomiting are no way to live.
    I was told there was no way to fail with the band, I could give up the vicious cycle of dieting once and for all. I liked being an unsuccessful dieter far more than I like being a moron who spent more than the price of a new car on something that not only hasn’t helped, but has made my life a misery. I wish I could reach others who are considering this surgery and just present the experience of a patient who will never be featured in their slick ads. There is a forum at Slimband you can access and read about experiences, but only POST OP patients get access to the entire site where you can read about all the negative experiences, sliming as they call it, which is when your mouth fills with saliva as your body desperately tries to dislodge the food that is stuck, the flipped ports, eroded stomach walls etc. I would also bet the farm that very very few of their patients weren’t found to have a previously COMPLETELY unknown hernia which was then repaired at the time of the band surgery, for an additional fee that was then billed to health care as a covered expense. What are the odds? The place may look classy but it’s nothing more than a meat processing plant. I would love to be in touch with others who also regret being banded every single day of their life. Please don’t do it. Learn from my painful mistake.

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